Self induced Wardrobe Malfunctions~

So back in FL on a glorious Saturday morning back in March, I'm   headed west from Palm Coast with 7 riders from the ADV Trans-Florida Un-rally.   At the time I had a handy little LED flashlight attached to my jacket zipper, making it easy to grab the zipper with my left hand while cruising.   Or, so one would think...

At the same time, I have my pocket camera firmly strapped to my right glove with a home made mounting strap.  Harmless, right?  I just reach over with my left hand and hit the ON and then VIDEO buttons and drive on with my clutch hand shooting the approaching trails.

About 10:00 AM the temp climbs up into the 70's and it's time to bring some fresh air into the upper body...   Reach for the zipper with the clutch (camera) hand and tug the zipper down a good yank.   Back to cruising...   NOT!

The camera strap finds the flashlight and the zipper ring and promptly falls in love while lacing itself into the gadgetry.   Now my left glove/hand/wrist/arm are bound about 6" from my chest.  NO clutch.  No way to balance against my throttle hand which now is flying solo...  

Images of taking a one-handed launch into the brush alongside the FL highway during bike week... (this is gonna be bad press...) with a bunch of ADVriders (notorious for sharing every possible incident...)   flash across my mind set...   Despirately hoping that the $.95 cent flashlight was made in Korea from recast KIA bumpers, I throw my left arm out toward the horizon and pray for attachment failure.   UGH... success...   

The guy behind me politely notes that my flashlight is laying on the double-yellow at mile marker 24.439 west of Palm Coast...   good to know...    All I can think is how lucky I am to be vertical and still traveling in my lane.

End of the saga,,, right?     Nope...   gotta push the 9-lives all day...

Chapter 2:   Right Glove Wardrobe Malfunction...

Not 15 minutes later we come off of a dirt trail, onto pavement and crank up the throttles on a pretty 2-lane section for about 5 miles.

I wear an air vest, but I don't keep it connected when I am riding in dirt...   Now back into vehicle traffic, I simply slide my right hand down the lanyard to the clip and reach down near my right knee where there is a caribeaner (you spell it please...)  attached to the engine guard.   Snap the little sucker in place and back to cruising...   right???   WRONG, partner...   

After two-years of flawless connection moments, the atachment hook decides to fall in love with my glove right at the end of my pointer finger...   The hook does a vampire bite into the leather and locks on to a very VERY sturdy BMW logo glove and now I am riding one-handed (clutch only) and loosing speed fast within the group of riders.   

I remember thinking to my self how nice it is that this is happening on a beautiful march morning and the 6:00 news is going to detail the entire mess in glorious color...

First TUG yields nothing.  My right hand is firmly bound to the bike beside my right knee.  Digging for an answer to the question, "What would Harry Houdini do?"  I decide that brute strength may undo the 2" velcro from around my lower arm AND the similar strap which tightens the glove around the base of my wrist.   Luckily the blood draining (or pumping) from my hand lets my wrist think it just lost three dress sizes and my hand starts sliding out of the glove... while the glove lining turns inside out and exits with my paw.

So much for the best laid plans of mice and motorcycles...   The day went on to many miles and smiles and no further incidents.   I re-gifted the camera strap to a friend and gave up on attachment moves while at speed...   Let's hope I don't invent something similar in the future.

Murphy was right.

Travel safe.

Jeff